Sometimes I don’t know what to do with all this time. I try to do the things I know I’m capable of, but sometimes it feels like too much is happening at once.

“What exactly are we working towards?”

I remember you asking me that just before we parted. I realised then that maybe it actually matters where we might end up. “I just want to stay in this moment forever.” I remember hearing that line somewhere. Maybe someone said it to me, or maybe I heard it in a film. I always come back to this sentence whenever I struggle to move on, or when I don’t know how to bring things to an end.

I had a headache the other day. Actually, I’ve been getting them occasionally but why do mine last the whole day? I couldn’t do anything, which meant I didn’t do anything to remedy it either. I just waited for it to subside before doing anything else. I could’ve taken some painkillers, but I didn’t. This is partly because I feel like I’ve been taking them too often. And I’ve heard that it’s bad for your liver. I tried lying down on the sofa, but the sunlight was too strong, shining directly into my eyes. I was too stubborn to move, so I laid there, motionless, hoping the light would fade. It didn’t. I made my way to the bed and tried to nap, but the headache had already worsened. Lingering in my head. I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t fall asleep.

“All good things must come to an end.”

And here I am, trying to recall what was good to begin with. Even if it was, how long would it take for us to realise it had gone bad? The more I think about it, the more I realise I can’t depend on fate or luck to bring me what I want.

Stop making these excuses. Everything we did, everything we will do, all of it contributes to every moment of our lives.

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