Why does it feel like I didn’t do anything at all
2020
Artist’s dirty laundry, looped video projection and looped artist’s playlist played on earphones
Fucking hell. He thought to himself. It was 11 something, couldn’t remember. But it was late. Day after day, he’s just so so tired of it. He just didn’t want to do anything. The lights from the streets smeared all over the windows, casting the shape of the window onto the walls. It was so quiet. Just in that moment, he heard music faintly playing.
Met you by surprise,
I didn't realize
That my life would change forever
Tell me that it's true,
Feelings that are cue
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality,
A wonderous world where I like to be
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
Although it's only fantasy
He thought his mind started to play with his ears. He took a deep breath and tried to figure out where the music was coming from but his ears started ringing instead. He couldn’t hear the music anymore but he could hear his heart beating. He wanted to face the music. It felt like he needed to do something about it. But then it all disappeared. Later he found out, the music came from the earphones that were plugged into his phone.
As he reached out for it, all of a sudden, the music stopped. He got a call from a long time friend. A friend from far away. He picked up the call. Both of them just had dinner but they were each on the opposite sides of the world. Different time zones. A lot of silence between the pair. They were tired but they knew. One was in a place, feeling so trapped, talking about wanting to feel free. The other was in a place that encouraged and valued this “freedom" but could only remember the feeling of being trapped. It's so strange because they spoke as if they were so envious of the people who could actually be proud of what they were doing, who would actually fight for something they believed in. It wasn’t that they weren’t proud of what they were doing, but more of the fact that they weren’t sure about what they could be proud of.
“I guess we were just brought up like this.”
They knew they needed to do something about it and maybe they did do something about it but they ended up asking themselves, Why does it feel like I didn’t do anything at all? There was no guilt, no disappointment, no sadness. Just a feeling, somewhere in the middle of frustration and a longing for change. Maybe they had to be somebody they are not, but that would mean most people would have to be somebody they are not.
I guess it’s always easier said than done.
Met you by surprise,
I didn't realize
That my life would change forever
Tell me that it's true,
Feelings that are cue
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality,
A wonderous world where I like to be
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
Although it's only fantasy
He thought his mind started to play with his ears. He took a deep breath and tried to figure out where the music was coming from but his ears started ringing instead. He couldn’t hear the music anymore but he could hear his heart beating. He wanted to face the music. It felt like he needed to do something about it. But then it all disappeared. Later he found out, the music came from the earphones that were plugged into his phone.
As he reached out for it, all of a sudden, the music stopped. He got a call from a long time friend. A friend from far away. He picked up the call. Both of them just had dinner but they were each on the opposite sides of the world. Different time zones. A lot of silence between the pair. They were tired but they knew. One was in a place, feeling so trapped, talking about wanting to feel free. The other was in a place that encouraged and valued this “freedom" but could only remember the feeling of being trapped. It's so strange because they spoke as if they were so envious of the people who could actually be proud of what they were doing, who would actually fight for something they believed in. It wasn’t that they weren’t proud of what they were doing, but more of the fact that they weren’t sure about what they could be proud of.
“I guess we were just brought up like this.”
They knew they needed to do something about it and maybe they did do something about it but they ended up asking themselves, Why does it feel like I didn’t do anything at all? There was no guilt, no disappointment, no sadness. Just a feeling, somewhere in the middle of frustration and a longing for change. Maybe they had to be somebody they are not, but that would mean most people would have to be somebody they are not.
I guess it’s always easier said than done.
Shown as part of Some World Futures at Nest, The Hague, Netherlands
with Lema Ahmadi, Maya Bahner, Odine Burghouwt, Philipp Groubnov & Alexander Jermilov, Juwon Lee, Zela Palmer, Lui Wolstencrof, Rosa Zangenberg
Curated by Heske Ten Cate
with Lema Ahmadi, Maya Bahner, Odine Burghouwt, Philipp Groubnov & Alexander Jermilov, Juwon Lee, Zela Palmer, Lui Wolstencrof, Rosa Zangenberg
Curated by Heske Ten Cate